Why You Should Not Teach Your Kids The Correct Name For Their Body Parts

Because if you do, you will hear the words "penis" and "vagina" way more than you ever bargained for.

You might think that having a six, three and two year old wouldn't lend itself to the necessity of saying penis and vagina over and over again. But my kids, especially the six and three year old seem to find a reason to say it almost every day, sometimes several times a day. A big starter for using these words is the fact that we only have 1 1/2 bathrooms in our house. While Ian is taking his bath, Emma will run in and use the bathroom. While Emma is washing her hands, Ian will run in to go. While I'm using the bathroom, all three kids will join me and discuss some scholarly topic like which show is better, the original Scooby Doo or the What's New Scooby Doo series. Consequently, obvious differences in anatomy and peeing methods is up for discussion on a regular basis.

It was the Ian brushing his teeth, Emma use the toilet scenario that sparked the flow of body part words I was subjected to this morning. I overheard Ian saying to Emma, "You have a vagina, Zoe has a vagina, Mom has a vagina, Keara has a vagina, Grace has a vagina." It was at this point that I told him to quit talking about people's body parts.

I think I have heard the words penis and vagina enough times that I could go the rest of my life without hearing them again. Unfortunately, that's not going to happen anytime soon.

Popsicle Needs New Job Position

My kids LOVE popsicles. They eat them year round. No day is too cold for a posicle in my house. So, for at least three years I've been reading the jokes off the popsicle sticks and have come to the conclusion the Popsicle brand company needs to hire a joke writer. There are still jokes about floppy disks and other outdated items that I always have to explain to my 6 1/2 year old son in order for him to understand the joke. Although some of the jokes are timeless (my personal favorite: What did the boy melon say to the girl melon? We're too young. We cantaloupe.), many are just not current enough to appeal to the kids who can read them.

Today's example of outdated joke material:

Ian: Mom, listen to my joke. What has spots and rides on a fire truck?

Mom: A fire dog?

Ian: No. A fireman with measles. What are measles?

This is where I had to explain what measles are, what a person looks like when they get it, and because of immunizations, why Ian has never seen or heard of it. Maybe the Popsicle company could have a contest for new jokes, then they wouldn't have to hire anyone for the job, and all kids eating posicles could understand the jokes they are reading.

Happy Mother's Day!

I have had a super Mother's Day today. My kids (and husband) let me sleep in until 8:30, then brought me breakfast in bed, which consisted of glazed donut holes, powdered mini donuts, frosted mini wheats cereal, and orange juice. The girls gave me some homemade paper flowers that we made together to give to their Nana for Mother's Day. Ian gave me a beautiful pink painted stone that said "I" a heart shape and "U" for I love you that I can put in my flower garden. He also made me a great card with green paper, my favorite color! The kids picked me out (with a little help from Dad) a converter for my iPod so that I can play it in the van and a tiered spice rack for my very disorganized cupboard.

After enjoying my breakfast, Ian organized the "Mom Olympics" for me. The first activity was for each person to say the nicest thing they could about me. Ian told me he loved me very, very, very, very, very, very much. Emma went on about how beautiful, pretty and nice I was. Zoe just ran around giggling, which is a pretty nice thing, too. Then Ian sent everyone downstairs to start the next event. I got to pick out whatever music I wanted, and then I got to dance with each person. I started with Zoe, moved onto Brendan, then Emma, and finished with Ian. We finished the Olympics with a whole family dance where we all danced as energetically as possible to Riverdance. I enjoyed the Mom Olympics so much I think they might just have to become a yearly tradition.

After our morning frivolities, Kevin, my brother-in-law, arrived first to help us celebrate Mother's Day with my mother-in-law. My sister-in-law, Elizabeth, and her husband Patrick arrived next. Finally, Patti (my mother-in-law and only other Mom at our house today) and her husband John came. Brendan grilled the bratwursts, hamburgers, and hot dogs masterfully, while I handled the side dishes inside the house. I made four new recipes for our lunch today, and all of them were good. That's an accomplishment in itself! My favorite recipe was probably the Tres Leches Cake my friend sent me. It is a Guatemalan celebration cake that is cold and moist, so it's quite different from our standard cake fare. I'll put the recipe up on the site when I get a chance. It's delicious!

After a fun and tasty lunch with the family, I called my mom to wish her a happy mother's day, too. It was a great mother's day. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there!

The Perfect Gift For Emma

I was searching for My Little Pony DVD's today, trying to see what's out there as Emma has requested one for her birthday. I wasn't sure what was out there, but knew that some new DVDs have been coming out and came across this: My Little Pony: The Complete First Season. It's from the 1980's series, but I think Emma would absolutely love it. Then maybe we could stop watching Scooby Doo for a little while.

That's Just Sneaky

I all of a sudden realized that before the neighbor's house went up, we had a preview showing of our house with a realtor. I thought she perhaps had a client in mind, but wanted to check it out herself. I didn't think much of it until the last couple of days. I realized she never returned with a client and initially thought that maybe it just wasn't the right house for her clients. Then it occurred to me today, it wasn't the right house for her clients because she is the realtor selling the house across the street from us, the one that is the exact same model as ours with the same number of bedrooms and bathrooms. We have kept all of the realtor cards from the showings and sure enough, her name matches the one in the yard across the street. Even if it is standard practice of realtors, (and I don't know whether it is or not), I feel like it was rude and sneaky of her to go through our home, then price their's. I'm not happy, again.

Rah! Rah! Sis Boom Bah! We're Number 2!

Again my realtor informed me yesterday that we are someone's "second choice" for buying a house. Unfortunately, most people only need one house and being number two on the list gets us diddly. These were the people who visited the house yesterday when it was not at it's showing finest. So, I guess I should be happy that we are at least number two on their list, half eaten pop-tart on the table and all. This is the fourth time in the six weeks we've had our house listed that we have come up in second place. The real kicker with this particular one is that the other house the buyers like is THE ONE ACROSS THE STREET! They just put up there house last week, listed it for $5000 more than us, and the clients like it better!!! It is the exact same model as ours, with the same number of bathrooms and bedrooms, although they have a fenced yard and a vaulted ceiling in the family room. I am very unhappy, to say the least. Hopefully someone will come along soon and see that we have a great house and will pay us for it accordingly.

Only Three Days Left

There are only three days left to vote for the new Monopoly properties. Hasbro, the maker of the classic Monopoly game, is coming out with a new, updated version. They are giving the public a chance to vote on one of three properties in 22 different cities. The city with the most votes will win the coveted blue property spot on the board traditionally occupied by Boardwalk. You can vote once each day. The voting began April 24, but I just found out about it yesterday. You can vote until May 12. So go ahead, click here and give your favorite city or location in that city a boost. I am pulling for Chicago or Cleveland to get Boardwalk. Go midwest!

Selling A House Sucks - Part 2

Last night I found out that one of the houses Brendan and I liked went into contract/ contingency phase over the weekend. While I'm happy for the seller, a friend of mine, I'm somewhat bummed for us. It was a great house. Not the perfect house, but a great house nonetheless. The people who came and saw our house for a second showing were supposedly going to get together with their realtor to make an offer to us. No offer yet. And after two weeks with basically no new showings, I became a little complacent about keeping the house in perfect showing condition. My house is clean - I vacuumed the entire upstairs and stairway and cleaned the full bathroom yesterday, and vacuumed the entire downstairs this morning. I put away all the breakfast dishes and cereal boxes and picked up the toys in the basement, made Ian's and Emma's beds, and put away the clothes that were sitting on my dresser. But, to have the house completely spotless before going anywhere adds on 20 - 30 minutes of time. And all I wanted to do this morning was get to Dominick's and get my grocery shopping done. We have only ever had one other showing before noon, and no new ones for so long, I figured what were the odds that someone would come and see the house while I was out, especially because we are supposed to have one hour notice before a showing.

Well, as I pulled up to my house at 11:15, there was a realtor and his clients, getting the key out of the supra box and getting ready to go in the house. I parked in front of my neighbor's driveway, told Emma and Zoe to stay put, and jumped out to talk to the realtor. I apologized that the house was not in the condition I would like it to be, but told them they were welcome to see it. I jumped back in the van, and drove around for ten or fifteen minutes with a vanload full of milk and bratwursts, among other things, that needed to be refrigerated soon. The entire time I racked my brain trying to remember what I left sitting out, and finally deciding not to worry about it anymore because I couldn't do anything about it. I drove home to see the realtor pulling away in his vehicle, and the clients still sitting in their car in front of my house. I pulled into the garage and immediately began unloading groceries as Emma and Zoe climbed around in the van. I was mortified to see the half eaten pop-tart left on the table, the pile of five or six dirty rags on top of the dryer, the clothes drying rack, complete with drying clothes, left up in the living room, and the roll of toilet paper left on the sink of the upstairs bathroom. I usually leave the house looking great, I keep feeling like I missed an opportunity to sell the house. I hope the clients can look past the minor messes and see what a great house it is. I know I'll keep the house neater before I go places, at least for another week or so.

Parental Bliss

My kids drive me as nuts as anyone else's kids. I'm the first to admit it. I love my kids dearly, but there are times when I could chuck them out the window (not really, of course!). Last night was not one of those nights. Last night was one of those nights when the stars align just perfectly and your experience with your kids turns into one that you dreamed and imagined when you became pregnant with your firstborn and didn't know how much they would turn your life upside down and inside out.

Last night, at 9:21 PM, my two year old, Zoe, cried out from her crib through the monitor down into the family room where I was watching a Food Network Challenge with Brendan. I got up to go get her, as is my usual routine if her crying doesn't stop on its own in a few minutes. Zoe is an excellent sleeper, and rarely cries out in the night, so on the occasions that she does, I go into her room, pick her up out of her crib if she wants me to, wrap a blanket around her and sit in the rocking chair in her room and rock with her. As I was rocking her last night, all snuggled close to me, she peaked up at me, to see what I was doing. I looked down at her and smiled. Zoe then smiled at me, with thumb still in mouth. I about melted into a puddle on the floor. Then I leaned over and kissed her forehead and told her, "I love you." She whispered some incoherent response and stroked my face with her soft baby hand. I then kissed her hand, whereupon she stretched out her fingers for me to kiss each one. After kissing each finger on that hand, she outstretched the fingers on her other hand, still keeping her thumb in her mouth. I of course kissed each tiny finger until she closed her hand back into a fist. I sat there in absolute awe at the perfectness of the moment when Zoe again reached her little hand, with skin softer than anything I've ever felt in my life, and rubbed my arm. She has a beautiful gentleness and sweetness that I want to soak up every chance I get. As she is probably my last, I truly cherish each time I rock her close to me, knowing I won't be able to do it forever, hoping I remember how wonderful and peaceful it feels.

I glance at the clock, see that I've been in her room five minutes, and tell her it is time to go night night. Zoe says, "Nigh, Nigh" back to me, lays down in her crib and sleeps until morning.

Sharing Secrets

Here are my two girls having fun yesterday.

Mocha Frappuccinos at Home

I frequent a blog called Starbuck's Gossip where I keep up with the funny and interesting things happening in the world in regards to Starbuck's coffee and their stores. It is here that I am made aware of the special drinks each season, like the Cinnamon Dolce Latte, which was fabulous by the way.

Recently on the blog, they linked to this article where they include a lowfat, lower calorie recipe for a Starbuck's Grande Mocha Frappuccino. I immediately printed it out and yesterday I tried it. I made it exactly the way the recipe says, except I added one extra teaspoon of sugar and omitted the whipped topping. It is EXCELLENT! If you like mocha frappuccinos, you must try this at home. Really good!

Personalities

I've often been intrigued and sometimes perplexed with how my kids handle social situations. Where did they learn to act the way they do? Was it me? Or is it an innate reaction to events that makes them behave the way they do? Probably, a combination of both.

Today, while at the mall in the play area while our house was being shown (or not shown - see next post), Emma and Zoe were enjoying the climbing toy and other little toys inside the play area. There was one circular toy hanging on the wall that had several little paths and a ladybug that could be maneuvred through the paths by turning the wheel back and forth. The goal was to get the ladybug "home." Emma could get the ladybug home and was enjoying this when a little boy no older than two years came over and started to play with the wheel, too. It's pretty much a one person toy. Emma let go of the wheel, let the boy take over, and came over to me saying he took the toy. I told her she had it first, but let the boy have it instead of telling him politely that she was still playing with it. I told her to ask him if she could have a turn, otherwise she would have to wait until he was done. She decided to run off and play with something else.

Enter Zoe, a few minutes later. The boy had lost interest and Zoe went to play with the ladybug wheel. She was having a great time spinning it around when the same little boy came up and tried to play with the wheel again. This time, unlike her older sister, Zoe would have nothing of it. She pushed the boy's hands away and told him "No." I watched her do this three times, and the boy finally gave up. I was proud of her, standing her ground. Even though I want her to be a kid who shares and is generous, I also want her to be a kid who doesn't let others push her around. I saw that in her today.

Selling A House Sucks!

Brendan and I put our house up for sale 3 1/2 weeks ago. Since that time, I've been busting my butt to keep the place clean and ready for any and all showings. Having three kids, age six and under, makes for many cleaning opportunities. Breakfast and three snacks, all before 10:00 AM result in a lot of sweeping of the floor and wiping down of the kitchen table and other surfaces. (Those of you without kids are wondering why any child that ate breakfast would need one snack, let alone three before 10:00 AM, but those of you with kids know exactly what I'm talking about!) I have cleaned my bathrooms more times than I care to admit in one week, mainly because of hand washing, teeth brushing, and potty accidents.

But what is really beginning to grate on my nerves are the showings that are either non-showings, or showings that I don't know happened. Three times a realtor has come and either not left a business card or not shown up at all. I don't actually know which, because I can't tell if a brochhure was taken or not, and THERE IS NO BUSINESS CARD! Keeping a house ready to show is a pain in the butt enough, without having to pack up your kids and take them someplace entertaining without costing a lot (if any) money each time. Then, after altering your children's nap times so someone who may or may not want to buy your home can look at it, you come home to what appears to be a no show for the scheduled showing. No message, no card, no nothing. It's more than a bit frustrating, and highly unprofessional.

By the way, it doesn't help that the neighbors who bought the house across the street from you less than a year ago just decided to list their house for sale yesterday.

Another Mispronunciation

Having a six year old son who is a voracious reader makes for some fun vocabulary coming out of his mouth. Tonight, in response to whether he had used the bathroom before climbing into bed was, "No way, Jose." However, instead of the typical "hosay" pronunciation of Jose, we were greeted with "jozay". It's how I'm going to say it from now on.

It's Batch!

We have a nifty toy called Music Blocks by Neurosmith that we got for the kids several years ago. It only gets played with occasionally because even though it is a very cool toy, we only have one cartridge of music that it plays, rendering it somewhat repetitive after three years of play. Basically, it is a music player with five different colored blocks, and each block has the same six different shapes, one on each side of each block. When placed in order, the blocks each play a piece of some music. Each different side plays the music from a different instrument. You can play all the same instrument in order, to hear the music played by a violin, or mix it up and have several different instruments play the same piece of music. You can also change the order of the music by moving the blocks into a different order, in essence creating a whole new piece of music with the five pieces of one song.

I finally purchased two new cartridges and they arrived today. One was called Jumpin' Jive Jazz and the other was Bach. Ian played them both with gusto when he returned from school, and even got Zoe in on the action, too, by dancing around the living room with her and changing the cartridge each time she asked him to. It was very cute and fun to see them interacting so sweetly together. Ian liked the jazz cartridge right away. He noticed that the Bach cartridge was classical music, like the original Mozart cartridge that we have. This is how he told me:

Ian - "Mom! The Batch is classical music, too!"

Me - "Yes it is. And it's pronounced Bock."

Ian - "Hey, Zoe really likes the Batch, too! She is dancing like crazy to it. These are both cool. I like the Jazz and the Batch. Thanks for getting them, Mom."

Me- "Your welcome."

Shocking News!!!!!

OK, actually, if you know my husband, this really won't come as a big shock, but I just discovered it today and thought I should share. I've been married 10 1/2 years, and while I suspected the following information was true, I had never confirmed it until today. While hanging up one of Brendan's shirts in his closet, I noticed that every single shirt was hung on the hangers the same way. All of them face the same direction. EVERY SINGLE ONE! Now, while many people might say this is the proper closet etiquette, even necessary for keeping your clothes neat and tidy, I say, "Hah!" I don't know which way my clothes hang, and I'm sure each one goes it's own way. The only reason I discovered this quirk in my husband's personality today was because I had put the shirt on the hanger the wrong way, and as I was haning it up I noticed that it was on the wrong way. So, as a good wife, I turned it around and hung it up his way. That's because I care.

Selling the Homestead

Two weeks ago, we listed our home for sale and hoped a buyer would come along, recognize what a fabulous house we have and snatch it up with a quick and wondeful offer. While we have had several showings, and a few repeat showings, no offers have made their way to us. While I'm enjoying the de-cluttered and extremely clean look of our house, I'm getting a little tired of acting like we don't live here. Stashing the menu I keep on the fridge everytime there is a showing, running down to the basement to put the laundry basket that has no permanent home underneath the stairs, maniacally reminding my 6, 3, and 2 year olds to NOT use the good towel in the downstairs bathroom but instead to use the dingy yellow one, making sure we only use our green and yellow towels in the full bathroom so that they match the green and yellow walls (OK, I like that last one.) It's not particularly fun living here right now.

The unexpected upside to all of this? I have become an exceptional housekeeper, one that I didn't know existed inside this skin. I clean both bathrooms, every week. I mop the kitchen, including the laundry room, entry way, and upstairs bathroom, every week. I vacuum upstairs every week and downstairs twice a week. I DUST. I clean the front of my appliances and I wash down the cupboard doors. I do laundry, fold it, and put it away - all in the SAME day. I make beds and keep both my dresser and closet clutter free. I don't know how I do it. My husband, who obviously has the cleaning gene that I do not, actually said to me when I asked him to clean up some toys in the basement, "But the showing isn't for three hours!" At which point I grumbled that I would do it myself. It's like aliens have come and taken over my mind. I don't do this much cleaning in a month, let alone a week. I think my husband secretly loves it. He may never openly admit it, but I'm pretty sure I've turned into the housewife he's always wished I was. I kind of like it, too, except for the hiding of the laundry basket.

Happy Easter!

Easter Chickens!!! Emma made these as gifts for the people she loves in her life. We finished them with Easter grass and a few treats. Have a wonderful Easter!

Zoe - Super Sandal Shopper

After dropping off eBay packages at the Post Office this morning, the kids and I headed over to Payless Shoe Store. I was on a mission to get Zoe a pair of white sandals for both the summer and Easter Sunday. She has been wearing Emma's size 8 princess sandals from last summer, but they are too big and are always falling off her feet. She also has adopted a pair of black patent size 8 shoes with rhinestones around the front, and wears them most everywhere I'll let her. She has no size 7 dress shoes, and I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone by purchasing a pair of white sandals for both Easter and summer fun.


We went into the Payless and headed for the size 7 shoes. There was a cute princess sandal, and an absolutely adorable white sandal with little multicolored bows on them. I offered the princess sandals up for Zoe's approval, and she emphatically pushed them out of my hand back onto the shelf with a strong "No." Before I had a chance to look at any other shoes for her I hear, "Dora!" come out of her mouth. Dora the Explorer is probably Zoe's favorite show on TV, so sandals with Dora and her sidekick Boots on them comes close to making Zoe completely, purely happy. We took the sandals off the shelf, took off Zoe's shoes and socks and tried on the Dora sandals. Zoe was so pleased she wanted to put her black rhinestone shoes on the shelf in the box and leave them at the store. We went up to pay, where I had to lift Zoe up so the saleslady could make sure both shoes were the same size, and we paid.

Time in store, less than five minutes.

As I left I realized that the sandals were not white and would not match any dress I pick out for Zoe to wear for Easter. Oh well, neither will the pink sparkly shoes Emma picked out while we were on a mission for her white Easter dress shoes. Neither of my girls will match on Easter Sunday, but they will be two of the happiest girls in church, with their pretty new shoes.

Spring Has Arrived

And with it's arrival have come my beautiful daffodils.