Summer Baking

June went by so quickly, but for the first time in a long time I can tell you I feel like I didn't let it pass me by. Every summer I have big plans of things to do with the kids, and every August I wonder what happened to both the summer and the plans.

But not this year. This year I have promised the kids that we will do one thing special every week. And so far I have kept that promise. The first week of vacation we went to see Kung Fu Panda 2 in the movie theater. During the second week we went to the DuPage Children's Museum. (We have a membership.) Week three I took them all bowling. It was Zoe's first time ever and she was the only one of the four of us to get a strike! (Two strikes actually!) And last week we went to Legoland Discovery Center in Schaumburg.

The other big plans I made were for the kids to make desserts this summer. So I assigned each child a week, let them pick a dessert to make, and put them to work. It has been a rousing success! My middle child, Emma, went first. She was inspired by an article in an American Girl Doll magazine she had checked out from our local library. She made chocolate chocolate chip cupcakes, and then decorated them to look like our family. They were both super cute and delicious!



My youngest daughter, Zoe, went next. She wanted to make her famous ice cream pie that she has successfully made at least two times before this. She chose an ice cream that had three flavors in one container, and then topped it with Reese's Pieces. It was described as awesome and really, really good!




My oldest, Ian, chose to make Lemonade Pie. I had made it earlier in the summer and he liked it so much he wanted to make it himself. It is a cool, creamy treat, perfect for hot summer days.



I plan on continuing to go places and having the kids make desserts. They are really enjoying being in control and sharing something they make themselves with their family. I know Emma is planning some fancy milkshakes for July, and I can't wait to try them!

Reading

Last night I was reading stories to my daughter, Zoe, before bedtime. She chose the first book, If You Give a Pig A Pancake, one of her current favorites. Weary of reading the same six books over and over again for months, I suggested that maybe I could pick the second book. she happily agreed and I came back with Mike Mulligan And His Steam Shovel by Virginia Lee Burton. While I had probably read this book at least 100 times to Zoe's older brother when he was a little guy, I had never read it to her.

I began reading and she listened intently and studied the illustrations on each page. She felt bad for the steam shovels that were left "to rust and fall apart." She excitedly waited to see if Mike and Mary Anne could dig Popperville's cellar in just one day. She wondered how Mike could get out of the cellar as they built the town hall over him and Mary Anne. She proclaimed the book "Great!"

But the best part was when I read about Henry B. Swap. If you will recall, he was one of Popperville's selectmen who thought he could get part of the cellar dug for free by taking on Mike Mulligan's challenge that if he and Mary Anne could not dig the cellar in just one day, they would not get paid. When he thought about this, "he smiled in rather a mean way." When I read that sentence Zoe sat and thought for a few moments then looked up at me and said, "I don't have an evil smile because God doesn't want me to have one." So true, and wise beyond her years!

Sleeping Babies

This past weekend we watched my incredibly adorable nephew, Declan. We had him for four nights and four days and I was reminded of how much work an 8 1/2 month old baby can be. And what a joy, as well.

As I soothed him to sleep the first night, I couldn't stop calling my husband in to see the sweet baby faces he made. The sleepy smile, the sucking motion of the lips, his two little fists covering his eyes. It vividly brought back those many months we spent holding any one of our three kids, waiting for them to go to sleep, hoping once they were in their crib they would stay asleep.

Declan slept pretty well the first night, not waking up until 5:30 the next morning. His naps were pretty much what his mom told me they would be. But on night two he woke up at 2:15 and the pacifier in the mouth only worked for about five minutes. I eventually picked him up out of his pack-n-play and took him downstairs where I sat with him held tight to my chest until he fell soundly back to sleep. I awoke at about 4:00AM and decided to put him back in the crib. He slept until about 6:30 and was up for the day after that. Night three was a little worse, with another nighttime rendezvous and stint on the couch. He slept for awhile after I re-deposited him into the crib, but at 5:30 when he stirred again, I nudged Brendan and told him it was his turn. I then slept until about 6:15, when I heard Declan's cries on the baby monitor again as Brendan tried to lay him back down to sleep. Night four turned magical, with the boy sleeping from 9:00PM until 7:15AM and never once needing to be gotten out of bed.

All these sleepless nights made me remember all the crazy things we would try to get our kids to sleep before they were old enough to "cry it out." (Yes we used the cry it out method on all three of our kids and they are all fantastic sleepers now!) We sometimes used the bouncy seat at night, especially with the vibrate button until the baby was sound asleep, then we'd turn it off and thank God that something worked!

One of our rituals was the walk-pat. You know, walk slowly around the room with baby's head on your shoulder while you pat his/ her bottom rhythmically. If we stopped walking we risked waking baby up. And don't even think about sitting down - HE WILL KNOW!

We attached toys to the side of the crib that played music and had little fishies swimming soothingly along the water filled fishbowl.

We begged and pleaded with our kids that if they would just sleep we would most certainly buy them a pony.

But one of my favorite methods to get them to stay asleep when transferred to the crib was to preheat the bed. Yes, preheat it! I would hold the baby, walk-patting him to sleep, and my husband would throw the heating pad in the microwave. He would then place the heating pad into the crib and place a receiving blanket over it. About a minute before I would put the baby down to bed, we'd remove the heating pad and lay the baby on the warm spot, then cover him up with the warm receiving blanket. It did seem to help.

But what we found worked the best was making the baby go to sleep on his/her own. It was excruciating and something I always hated. But after two weeks, we'd have a baby that happily laid down to bed, went to sleep on his/ her own, and usually didn't wake up in the middle of the night. It really was what worked for us.

Growing Up

I just sent my baby, Zoe, to a full day of preschool in the car pool with my older kids. I have been looking forward to this day for quite some time. A whole day to myself (actually, 7:55AM to 1:30PM - I'm helping with the end of the day party in preschool at 1:30) with no specific tasks to do (did the grocery shopping yesterday). And I'm still excited.


But, I wasn't prepared for the lump in my throat and stomach as I buckled her into the backseat of the minivan. She was smiling broadly, and I couldn't help but smile back at my big girl. She looked so small among the 1st and 4th graders in the van. So small, so sweet, so excited. This is her last school day before she "graduates" on Friday. All year she has only gone three afternoons a week. But today she goes for the full school day, 8:15 until 2:45, with a lunch packed into her backpack and a day filled with friends and graduation practice.

I'm sure we'll both enjoy our day. But I didn't know I'd feel like this.

Being A Parent (And A Kid) Isn't Easy

I'm not sure what it's like to have a kid with academic problems. So far, my three kids don't seem to have a lot of struggles with school. My first two learned to read fine and seem to be meeting all the marks they need to when it comes to their school subjects. My youngest, who is in preschool and has a speech problem, seems to be meeting her benchmarks as well and may even be done with speech before kindergarten starts next year. And while my kids are fairly young, 4th grade, 1st grade, and of course the preschooler, they seem to all be doing fine academically.

But my oldest child, my son, is having tremendous social difficulties. I feel like I know what to do when there is a math issue, or a science problem, but social issues are a whole different ballgame. When my youngest had speech problems, we had her tested and sent her to speech class. Through her speech class, her speech problem has shrunk while her confidence is soaring. But I don't know who to go to for social unease. I have talked to his teacher, which has helped. I have talked on the phone to the school social worker, and that helped, too.

But he still has problems. It breaks my heart. I don't know how to help him. How do you help a kid who feels awkward and doesn't feel like he has any friends? He isn't being bullied or made fun of, and he is included in the recess football game. And yet he still feels lonely.

I have listened to him and tried to reassure him that he is a great kid. I have tried to coach him with some strategies in being friends with others (following the old adage "Sometimes you have to be a friend to have a friend). I have offered to have kids from school over for the afternoon. I have let him know that I love him completely and always will. But I don't know how to make this part of his life better. I know kids have to go through some hard times in their lives. I know it can help them to grow. I know life isn't always a bowl of cherries. But it sure sucks while it is going on.

Makes Me Cry Everytime

I discovered this song some time ago, finally bought it from iTunes and every time I hear it I can't hold back the tears. It is Steven Curtis Chapman's "Cinderella" and if you have a daughter, I dare you to listen to it without tears.



My girls are only 5 and 6, but I can imagine all these upcoming events and I realize our time with them is truly only fleeting. I hope my husband and I are taking the time to dance with all three of our kids.

My 9 1/2 year old son just asked me what I was making for dinner. When I told him Bacon Cheeseburger Roll-up, he responded, "You know I hate that," as if every dinner I make must meet his specific taste standards. I reminded him that it was his little sister's favorite meal. To which he said, "It tastes like crap."

Aaah, parenting. It is such a joy!

A New Teacher

For the better part of August I've been waiting for a letter or a phone call from Zoe's speech teacher letting us know what days and times she will be attending speech class this year. I waited and waited until finally last Friday I called the Early child Learning Center where she goes to find out the information. They told me something about how the teachers don't come in until Monday and that they will be contacting me sometime next week (now this week). So Tuesday I still hadn't heard anything and decided to call again to see what was going on. This time I was told the speech teachers didn't come in until Wednesday, and that they would be calling me by the end of the week.

So today when the phone rang and my caller ID showed it was the ECLC I was relieved and a little excited to find out what Zoe's days and times would be. However, I was not prepared for what I heard. The woman on the other end of the line said politely, "Hello my name is Miss Anna _________, I'll be your child's speech teacher this year."

WHAT? That's the first thing that went through my mind. What did this woman just say? She would be my child's speech teacher. But this can't be right. Miss Jan is Zoe's teacher. She wasn't supposed to have a new teacher. So without saying all of this, I quickly stammer and say, "What was that? I thought Miss Jan was Zoe's teacher."

To which I get the polite reply, "Miss Jan took a job closer to home."

Oh. I am in shock at this point and try to compose myself. "Umm, what did you say your name was?"

"Miss Anna _________________"

But because Zoe is talking I have to ask her a third time what her name is. And, I'm not only using a line for her last name because I don't want to reveal her name on my blog, but because I still don't know what it is.

I say something completely stupid, like, "Umm, oh my daughter adored Miss Jan, but I'm sure she'll do great with you."

But I don't believe it completely. I'm sure Miss Anna is great, but Miss Jan was AMAZING. Not only did Zoe love her and improve dramatically in her speech, but I loved her. It's like a punch in the gut knowing Zoe won't have her this year. All summer Zoe talked about how she couldn't wait to see Miss Jan again, and as the date approached, I know she was getting more and more excited. And honestly, so was I. Miss Jan has a great energy and knew how to get the best out of my little girl.

Then I thought, I have to break the news to Zoe. I did and she had about three or four weepy minutes where she muttered, "I don't know about this." And I let her have them. But then, she brightened and I reminded her how she had liked the other speech teacher (a different one from Miss Anna) she had to go with on the few days when Miss Jan had conferences. And she thought maybe her new teacher would do fun stuff, too. And maybe even some new things. And I joined in her new found hope and happiness about her new teacher because I want her to have a great experience with Miss Anna.

But inside I didn't believe what I was selling. It will be hard to measure up to Miss Jan. But I'm going to give Miss Anna a chance. It's the only thing I can do.

Summer Revelations

In the past, if I wanted to go grocery shopping for my weekly trip, I would rather gnaw my arm off than take my three kids with me. I planned it around their being in school or other activities. I often shopped at night after they'd gone to bed. If I couldn't do that, and I absolutely had to go to the store with all three of them, I'd usually only get the necessities and either bring snacks or bribe them with a doughnut.

But this summer is different. My kids are older and I have realized I don't want to give up "my time" in the evening after the kids go to bed. I have taken them with me several times now, and it usually goes pretty well. Now, they do get a little silly sometimes, but mostly because they are just keeping themselves occupied by having fun with each other. That's not to say that their behavior is always appropriate, twice today they had to all stand next to the cart with their hands on the cart so they wouldn't be jumping around in front of other people and generally making me frazzled while I looked for dishwasher detergent. But when I think of their behavior, they're not being rude or mean, disrespectful or even difficult. They rarely complain when I say "no" to their requests (they're used to it, I must say it often!) and they usually keep up with me in the store. They're mainly just unaware of how their behavior affects the other patrons of the store, which I see as immaturity, not mischief. And I do correct them and have them apologize if they are obstructing someone's path or doing something else that causes problems. It actually is a pretty good trip now when we go to the store.

And despite the fact that I could probably get it done so much faster without them, I don't really mind it that much anymore. Except for one thing. I cannot leave the store without a few things that were not on my list and I probably wouldn't buy if they weren't with me. Last week it was a package of Little Debbie's Swiss Rolls and Nutty Bars. This week it was Pepperidge Farm Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Mini Bagels. But, if that is the only roadblock I face each week, I think I'll choose going with the kids during the day instead of by myself at night.

Different Languages

I don't think I speak five year old girl very well.

For example: This morning I said, "Time to put shoes on." Meaning, put your shoes on it's time to go to school.

My five year old daughter must have heard something like, "Go ahead. Go get your doll, put a new outfit on her, then bug your little sister for two minutes. After you do all that, then it would be a good time to put your shoes on so we can get to school on time."

I was a five year old girl once, so I'm not sure how I lost the ability to speak her language clearly, but I obviously have.

Second Day of Speech

Well, Zoe went to speech again today. It went a little differently today than two days ago. She started crying at home and I had to carry her limp body out to the van to get her to go. She calmed down on the way there and cheered up when I asked her if she wanted to play on the blue dinosaur before going to speech.

She happily played in the lobby of the Early Childhood Learning Center until Miss Laurie came out to get her class. "Where's Miss Jan?" Zoe asked. "She'll be coming soon," I assured her.

Sure enough, a minute later Miss Jan comes out with her little charges looking for their moms. I tell Zoe it is time to go and she grabs my legs and begins crying and saying, "I don't want to go to speech."

While the other four kids are fine going back into the classroom, Zoe is not. I walk (drag) her over to Miss Jan where I peel her hands off from around my knees and hand one hand to Miss Jan all while Zoe is wailing, "I don't want to go. I want Mommy." I tell her I love her and that I will be there waiting when she is done. I try hard not to let the tears that are filling my eyes to spill out. That would not have been helpful at all.

Zoe goes with Miss Jan and I leave quickly. As I got into my van I made sure my cell phone was turned on in case her teacher has to call me. So I left and ran to two stores and got back to the school with 10 minutes to spare - no phone calls. I was definitely anxious to see how she did.

When Zoe came out she ran to me all smiles and her teacher said she was completely different this time. Apparently Zoe talked Miss Jan's ear off today. Miss Jan also informed me that her son, now 21 years old, spoke exactly like Zoe does. So, she is very tuned to understanding a child like Zoe. I have to admit I'm thrilled with Miss Jan thus far. She really has handled Zoe well and at the same time has reassured me about Zoe's placement here.

But the biggest treat of all was Zoe's comment as we left school today. "I like speech now. I'm not going to cry when we go anymore." Amen to that!

My Baby Went To Speech Today (Or How I Went to Wal-Mart with No Kids!)

Zoe started speech class today. I was a little nervous of how she would react, because except for ballet class at the park district, Zoe has never taken any kind of class by herself. Ballet class was 1/2 hour a week and met only six times over the summer. Zoe cried for the last four sessions of ballet and wouldn't even dance at the parent watch class.

So, it was with some trepidation that I dropped her off at the Early Childhood Learning Center for one hour of speech with Miss Jan. I had been talking it up since her orientation last Thursday morning. She was excited to pick out her very own backpack, just like her big brother and sister take to school everyday. (She picked out one that had Princess Aurora, Belle and Cinderella on it, but the clincher for Zoe was that it came with a lunch box and wallet.) I hadn't had a chance to get her few other supplies that she needed, so this morning after dropping off the kids at school, we stopped at Target to get her four glue sticks, a box of tissues, and white index cards. She was thrilled with getting her supplies and eagerly watched as I placed each item into her backpack.

After a quick shower for me, I came downstairs to check on Zoe. Her Winnie the Pooh show was ending and we talked a little more about speech class. When it was finally time to go, she fussed a little but got into the van fairly easily.

When we got to the school, we got out and went into the lobby to wait for Miss Jan. Zoe played on the blue dinosaur there and made sure her backpack stayed on. She asked me a few times if I was coming with her, and I explained that Mommies don't go to the classroom. When her teacher came to pick her up, we found out that there are four kids in her group, three girls and one boy. She looked back at me with those green-brown eyes and waved goodbye as she took Miss Jan's hand. She did awesome, and I was so proud of her.

While Zoe was in speech class, I raced down the road to the brand new Super Wal-Mart and proceeded to buy everything on my list, plus several other things. Without any kids, I can be a fast shopper! I kept a close eye on my watch and was back at the school about 7 minutes before pick up.

When Zoe came out and saw me she talked a mile a minute. Miss Jan said that was the most she talked all class. Zoe did well, but got a little choked up now and then about Mommy, but then got over it. According to her teacher, she also didn't play with the other kids or toys, but she handled the situation. If you listened to Zoe tell it, you would think the teacher and Zoe were in different classrooms. Zoe told me she made lots of friends, that Miss Jan was her favorite teacher, she played with the toys, and that she didn't cry and did such a good job. She told me a lot more, too, but due to her rapid rate and being in the car, I just couldn't understand a lot of it. (The reason she's in speech!)

Anyways, it was a great first day from both Zoe's and my perspective.

Brilliant!

Any parent can relate to this Dad's song. Take a listen. Be sure and stay until the end, it's worth it!

Bad Morning

Well, the new school year has officially started at home. This morning was the first morning of having problems getting Ian ready to get out the door and off to school on time. This has been a recurring problem for the last three years, from when he started kindergarten. It reappears on and off all year, every year, and I still haven't figured out how to solve this problem once and for all.

During three years of bad mornings and bad feelings and bad behavior, I've come up with several modifications to our morning routine to help make our morning go smoothly. I have ensured that Ian has at least 20 minutes to eat breakfast, at least 20 minutes to get dressed, and at least 10 minutes to brush teeth and get shoes on. I also get out his clothes (he wears a uniform) to help move him along. I also will come upstairs after 10 or so minutes and casually check on him to make sure he's moving along. I will often give a reminder that he needs to get moving in a nice tone of voice if he's being poky.

Inevitably, after several good days, we have a morning like we did this morning. Despite plenty of time and at least three friendly reminders (I learned a long time ago that I didn't want to yell on a school morning because everyone leaves the house in a bad mood), the mood disintegrated quickly as I told him he was in trouble for not getting ready. Tempers flared and Ian mouthed off, causing TV to be revoked for the day, possible longer.

What really irks me is that I still haven't figured out a way to handle this problem. I hate getting myself and Ian all upset about getting ready to go to school in the morning. I feel bad for handling the situation poorly, and Ian is just mad - not a good way to start the day.

I really wrestle with how to handle this. Ian is very motivated by charts and rewards. But, I hate the idea of rewarding him for something as mundane and necessary as simply getting dress in a timely fashion each morning. I mean, it's getting ready for school, for goodness sake. However, part of me says, if using a chart and reward system makes the mornings go well, then that is exactly what I should be doing.

Then, the fact that Emma is now also getting ready for school and could probably get up 20 minutes before it is time to go out the door and still be ready with at least five minutes to spare adds a new dilemma for me. Should Ian be rewarded, but not Emma? Is that fair to Emma?

I remember from my teaching classes in college that a teacher can't be "fair" to every student in their class, at least not from an equal time/ equal effort for all students perspective. Some kids simply need more time and attention, for whatever reason. And as a teacher, I was told that being fair is giving to each student what they needed, not giving equal time to each child. That meant some kids took proportionately more of my time, effort, and patience than others. Just a fact of classroom life.

I guess being a parent isn't a whole lot different in that respect. But it's a lot harder.

Who's Raising A Brat?

I went to the library on Monday with the kids and happened to pass by the parenting bookshelf (conveniently located next to the children's area in our library) when a title caught my eye. I picked up the book and looked it over quickly. It looked like a helpful and good read, so I decided to check it out. The book was called I Refuse To Raise A Brat. Aaaaah, you can see where this is going, can't you?

Before I review the book I have to say that checking out parenting books at the library can be intimidating. How can you check out a book with a title like the one above and not assume the librarian (or anyone else who sees you carrying the book) is thinking that this lady doesn't know how to parent her kids and no book is going to help? It also didn't help that my two older kids are climbing the library steps (strictly forbidden without a parent on the steps with them) as I'm trying to check out the book. By the way, whose bright idea was it to put the enticing set of stairs right by the checkout desk, where waiting in line is a given? Anyways, humiliation aside, I checked out the book and I am very glad I did.

I Refuse To Raise A Brat by Marilu Henner and Dr. Ruth Sharon was indeed a good read and very helpful. I have read several books and magazine articles on parenting, and this is one of the better ones that I've read. The book is broken up into easy to read chapters on several parenting issues such as a baby's need to develop independence, handling tantrums or bedtime, discipline and sibling rivalry, to name just a few. Marilu Henner introduces each chapter with examples and experiences from her own life, either when she was a child or now as a mother. Then Dr. Ruth Sharon follows up with her ideas on the topic. After this comes a series of real life questions about the chapter topic with answers given by both Dr. Sharon and Ms. Henner. Finally each chapter ends with a section called "When Little Brats Become Big Brats" that details the consequences of behavior that is not extinguished during childhood but carried into adulthood.

What I noticed immediately was that this book starts with your baby's birth. Most discipline books don't say anything about children younger than a toddler, and usually the methods they suggest are for older children. I found this book gives great advice for a parent of a child of any age, although it may not be useful for a parent of a teenager. It really focuses on younger children, which is great for someone like me.

The main idea of this book is that children who are overindulged and overgratified are being done a terrible disservice and will suffer for it in the long run. Overindulgence and overgratification can take the form of buying a child too many things, not disciplining him or her, shielding him or her from sad or disappointing feelings, over praising, or even doing things for him or her that he or she could be doing for him/herself. They feel a child who is overindulged will not develop the independence, self-discipline, self awareness, and ability to cope with the experiences life will be handing them. Interestingly enough, Dr. Sharon states that children who were seriously overindulged and overgratified will not think of their parents as loving, but quite to the contrary, they will remember their childhood as difficult and not much fun. These children also tend to blame their parents for the bad turns their life has taken as adults.

The practical and real life questions really showed how parents overindulge their children on a regular basis and how we can stop doing these things. I immediately saw some of the practices in the book in my parenting and have already begun to change how I react to given situations. I have seen positive results already. If that weren't enough of an endorsement, here's even more. Because I am parenting with a plan in mind for how to deal with situations, I am no longer feeling bad about how I handle a situation. Just today I had to take a favorite toy away from my six year old son because he was complaining about it relentlessly. I told him that if he said one more negative thing about the toy, I would take it away from him for the rest of the day. Well, he said another negative thing, and I pocketed the toy. That sent him into a tantrum that resulted in a time out up in his room. In the past this would have probably ended up with me yelling at him, along with the time out. Today, no yelling. When I yell, I feel so guilty about it. Not the disciplining, just the yelling. Today, I felt great, because it is my job to discipline, I'm the parent after all. But without the yelling, there was no guilt. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there will still be days with yelling. But if I can get this I'm the parent/you're the child thing down, I'm sure there will be a lot less. I think the clear lines not only make for a happier child, but I know they will make for a happier mom. Being frustrated by your child's behavior day in and day out isn't a good feeling. Being a parent who makes conscious decisions to parent helps ease those frustrations.

One of the most amazing parts in this book dealt with the fallacy that parents should only want their children to be happy in life.
"This sentiment may seem harmless and loving, but it does a real disservice to a child, assigning him an impossible, unobtainable task. For happiness, as a life goal, is elusive, intermittent, often random, and unpredictable. As an adult, he will pursue one career after another, one relationship after another, never settling down and always in search of what will make him happy. Parents who don't make happiness a goal but who concentrate on the basics - making sure their child works hard in school and takes his chores and responsibilities seriously - will produce a child whose talents and values will bring him success." p.96
Wow! You don't see that in most parenting books. I've often thought that I don't just want my children to be happy, but to also be good, kind, generous and loving individuals who love God and those around them.

My one caveat on this recommendation would be that as other parenting books do, this one talks about how adults' problems in life are a result of their upbringing. And while I agree that a poor upbringing can make things more difficult as an adult, at some point a person has to take responsibilty for him/herself and move on in spite of their past. I'm not saying parenting doesn't matter, I think it is probably one of the most important jobs, ever. However, I've known some amazing people who are responsible, loving adults - successful, good parents, good spouses, despite some horrendous childhood experiences.

This book really takes a lot of current advice and turns it on its ear. It is very practical and helpful, and a must read for any parent of young children.