The Post in Which I Bitch

I am a SAHM. That's a Stay At Home Mom for the few people out there who don't know their acronyms. I have been a SAHM since June of 1999, when I finished my last year of teaching and waited for my first born to come in July. I have provided babysitting services to friends and neighbors at different times in the last 8 1/2 years of being home, but otherwise have not worked outside the home.

This year, after all those 8 1/2 years of having kids attached at the hip, hand, breast or ankle, I finally got two hours a week guaranteed to myself. The two oldest are in school full time, and my youngest started speech. Speech is twice a week for two one hour sessions. Fortunately the school where Zoe goes to speech is very close to both our home and shopping, so I fully take advantage of those two hours.

Early in the Fall of 2007, I fell into a pattern where I grocery shopped on the first speech day, and did other errands on the second speech day. I liked that I didn't have to grocery shop with any kids and got it done during the day (not at night or on the weekend). But as the year has progressed, I've been wanting a little more time to just enjoy myself, not to grocery shop or pay bills. So when our meal menu ended on a weekend (I make a weekly menu, then make a grocery list, it's the only way I can grocery shop efficiently and effectively!) I made a list and went shopping on a Saturday morning two Saturdays ago. I couldn't wait for the upcoming week because I knew I wouldn't have to stop at the grocery store and would have time to just shop for fun, or maybe even go to Starbucks for a latte (I received two gift cards for my Birthday and have not used them at all yet!) Well, I did the fun shopping on Tuesday. I went to Old Navy and found a great gift for my friend's baby shower in February. Then as I considered what I might do on Thursday (Starbucks here I come!!!!), my oldest came down with a fever. No lattes for me. Oh well, there's always next week, right? Wrong.

This week (which was the next week from above) has not panned out for me either. I did my grocery shopping over the weekend again, looking forward to another week of two hours to myself. As I eagerly awaited Tuesday morning, knowing I would get to drop Zoe at speech and go to return some items at Penney's and pay a bill, I knew Thursday would be free for some coffee goodness. Nope. Hasn't worked. Zoe woke up with a stomach ache and fever, and Emma has a horrendous cough. Which of course means that I will return my stuff to Penney's on Thursday, and there will be no lattes this week, either.

I know that one of these weeks it will pan out for me, but it hasn't yet. And I feel a bit guilty for complaining because I know the reason I stay home is so that I can take care of my kids, especially when they are sick, but all I want is a latte and 45 minutes with a good book once or twice a month. Is that too much to ask after 8 1/2 years of being home with my kids?